The Kids in OTown
by highway67
Summary: What happens when the comedy stylings of The Kids in The Hall is combined with the characters of Rocko's Modern Life? Hilarity ensues! Chapter 5 featuring Dr. Hutch now up! Please read and review!
1. The Wild Flying Pig

**I'm A Wild Flying Pig!**

by highway67

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the intellectual property of Rocko's Modern Life or The Kids in The Hall.

[Scene starts with Filburt at the front of a bank-machine lineup talking to a senior right behind him.]

**Filburt:** [pointing at bank-machine] Isn't this great? [lifts hand in which he's holding several envelopes] I mean a week's worth of banking all at once? [man looks at Filburt] Now all I have to do is find that bankcard. [starts looking for card] Oh fish sticks.

**All people in lineup except Filburt:** Oh!

**Heffer:** [to Rocko who is touching his own forehead] Look, that pain is throbbing in your forehead again. Would you just relax?

**Rocko:** Uh... [drops his hand] huh... It's my fault. I'm a line loser. I always get in the slow line and if I change lines then _that_ line becomes the slow line.

**Heffer:** [nodding] No it's not you. It's the law of lines.

**Rocko:** What?

**Heffer:** The law of lines. You see, waiting like matter can neither be created nor destroyed.

**Filburt:** [lifts up hand in which he's holding some stamps and a mint] Hey! Look. Stamps from Belgium. And a peppermint. Lucky me. [pops mint into mouth]

**Rocko:** [touches his forehead whining] No...

**Heffer:** [to Rocko] Would you relax?

**Wild Pig:** Oink oink. [all people in lineup look up except Rocko who looks around]

**Heffer:** [smiling] Hey everybody, look! [points up] It's the wild flying pig!

[Rocko looks up]

**Bruce:** [flying towards the lineup] I'M A WILD FLYING PIG! [stops in the air and waves] Hello everybody! Wheeeeeee!

**Everyone in lineup except Rocko:** [smiling and waving] Hello wild flying pig!

**Rocko:** [to Heffer] Who?

**Heffer:** The wild flying pig. He entertains people at bank machines and other of life's many lineups.

**Wild Pig:** Wow. What a lineup. But don't worry about it. Look at me. Hey, hey, hey. [all in lineup laugh] Hee, hee, hee.

[Filburt is holding the man behind him by the shoulder. They're both laughing. Wild Pig rolls over in the air. People in lineup laugh.]

**Wild Pig:** Wow. I see the line is thinning out a bit. I guess my work is done here. [waving] Buh-bye!

**All except Rocko [he is only waving]:** [waving] Bye wild flying pig!

[Wild Pig turns around and flies away from the lineup]

**This is the start of a series of Kids in The Hall sketches with characters from Rocko's Modern Life playing the characters. I assure you, some of the future sketches will have some sort of RML twist. If you have any ideas, please review or message me!**


	2. Terrier Song

**Terrier Song**

by highway67

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Rocko's Modern Life, The Kids in The Hall, and their characters. I own nothing.

(Scene starts with Mrs. Bighead and Rocko are outside on the sidewalk between their houses. She is walking Earl.)

**Mrs. Bighead:** I just got him and I love him and I'm going to name him Earl because it's a perfect name 'cause he's the perfect dog and I love him...isn't he great?

**Rocko:** No. I don't like him.

**Mrs. Bighead:** What?

**Rocko:** Sorry.

**Mrs. Bighead:** What's wrong with him?

**Rocko:** He's just not my type of dog...he's just not...a terrier.

(singing, walking down the street, away from Mrs. Bighead and Earl)

_Terriers are my very favourite breed  
They're cute and cuddly and easy dogs to feed  
They'll bring you up whenever you are down  
Terriers average 20 pounds  
When I walk around in this terrier town  
One thing that makes me down  
Is when people put bandanas on their dogs _

_Terriers are my very favourite breed  
Cute and cuddly, easy dogs to feed  
Terriers were there in the 11th century  
Napoleon had one to prevent misery  
Terriers are good with the aged  
Studies show that they prolong old peoples' lives_

(walking in a cemetery, stopping at a gravestone saying "HERE LIES A BIG WET CAT")

_No one wants to die  
Like this guy died  
Die die, die die  
Die die, die die  
Worms eating your eyes  
Bass solo_

(Rocko plays two notes on an out-of-tune bass guitar, then looks behind him and sees Heffer dancing naked.)

(spoken) Heffer, what the nut are you doing here?

**Heffer: **I like terriers too, Rock. And it's a good song to boot!

**Rocko: **(annoyed) You being naked has nothing to do with terriers! Go away!

**Heffer: **(dejected) Sigh…fine.

(Heffer walks away)

**Rocko: **Wow, that hurt. You know those mornings that you just can't get out of bed, and you call in sick, if you had a job. You know those mornings when you just wanna watch TV, eat corn chips and jack…uhh…hammer. That's right, I meant jackhammer. Heh-heh. Sure you do. Well, when those days happen...what you should do is start thinking about my friends. My little furry, waterproof pals. Chantez Claudette!

**Claudette: **(singing, walking down the streets of Paris with many terriers)

_Les terriers sont mes types favourites  
Jolies, charmantes  
Pas de probleme à maintenir  
Il donnent du joie  
Quand tu es "blue"  
Les terriers sont à peu pres  
Vingt livres_

**Rocko: **(singing)

_Give terriers a chance  
(Yeh!)  
Do the terrier dance  
No, let's not  
But if you want your love to show  
If you want your love to grow  
Then go terri-, go terri-, go terri- errr_

(Rocko and Mrs. Bighead are on the sidewalk)

**Rocko:** See...your dog just isn't good enough.

**Mrs. Bighead:** I guess you're right. (lets Earl off his leash) Go on, Earl, to a brand new life!

**Stay tuned for Chapter 3! Please review and/or message me if you have any ideas!**


	3. Spongebob or Citizen Kane

**Spongebob (or Citizen Kane)**

by highway67

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Kids in the Hall, Rocko's Modern Life, or their characters. I own nothing.

[Rocko and Heffer are having a conversation in Chokey Chicken]

**Rocko:** . . . it was a great show. It wasn't a good show, but how often do you see a great show?

**Heffer:** Oh, I saw a great show last night. It was on late. It was- um, uh, what was it called? It's very popular. It's uh . . . oh, I hate this. I hate it when this happens.

**Rocko:** Well, what was it about?

**Heffer:** It's about this square-shaped guy, he lives in a pineapple, he's friends with a starfish, and-

**Rocko:** It's Spongebob Squarepants.

**Heffer:** Nnnno, that's not it. No, no - but something like that. It's uh . . .

**Rocko:** Okay, who was in it?

**Heffer:** Tom Kenny is in it. It's called . . .

**Rocko:** Then this is Spongebob Squarepants. It's Spongebob Squarepants.

**Heffer:** Nnnno, that isn't it, but you're not far from it. It's uh . . .

**Rocko:** Well who else was in it?

**Heffer:** Oh, um, I dunno.

**Rocko:** Was Clancy Brown in it?

**Heffer:** What else has he been in?

**Rocko:** _Jackie Chan Adventures_, _All Grown Up_ . . .

**Heffer:** Oh, _All Grown Up_. Yes, yes, yes, he was in it, yes. That's one of my favourite cartoon shows.

**Rocko:** Well this is definitely Spongebob Squarepants then. You're talking about Spongebob Squarepants.

**Heffer:** Nnnno, no, no. But it's something like that. It's sp . . . sp, sp . . . Ci. Ci . . . Ci . . .

**Rocko:** No, not Ci. It's sp. Sp, sp.

**Heffer:** Ci . . . Ci . . . Ci . . .

**Rocko:** It's sp, Spongebob Squarepants.

**Heffer:** Ci . . . Ci . . . Citizen Kane!

**Rocko:** No it's not Citizen Kane.

**Heffer:** It's Citizen Kane.

**Rocko:** No, no, no, no, it's not Citizen Kane. Is it about a newspaper tycoon?

**Heffer:** No, no. I just told you it's about this square that lives in the bottom of the sea, and…

**Rocko:** Then I guess it wasn't Citizen Kane, was it?

**Heffer:** No, it wasn't Citizen Kane . . .

**Rocko:** [painfully] It was Spongebob Squarepants!

**Heffer:** No, it was duh . . . duh, dumb, dummy- Doug! It was Doug!

**Rocko:** No, no, no. It wasn't Doug, no. That's not even close.

**Heffer:** Batman: The Animated Series!

**Rocko:** Batman: The Animated Series is a drama. Did you laugh once?

**Heffer:** Yeah.

**Rocko:** Then I guess it wasn't Batman, was it?

**Heffer:** Well, what was it then?

**Rocko:** Look, that guy has a newspaper. I'm going to borrow it, read the TV listings, and we'll settle this once and for all.

**Heffer:** [holding him back] Please, I want to remember this myself-

**Rocko:** Please, I want to settle this- [The two argue for a second until Rocko pushes Heffer back into his chair] Just sit down! [Picks up a plastic knife and drives it into Heffer's hand, nailing it to the table]

**Heffer:** Oh great. That's really going to help me to think. That's great. You know what? I almost had it. I almost had it but now thanks to you, I've gone blank. Thank you very much.

**Rocko:** What time was it on last night?

**Heffer:** It was 11:30. We don't need the paper . . . The Paper Chase . . . paper, paper . . . Paperback Hero . . .

**Rocko:** Okay, what channel?

**Heffer:** It was channel 3. Paper. Paper . . . paper . . .

**Rocko:** Aha! Look! Spongebob Squarepants. It was Spongebob Squarepants! It was Spongebob Squarepants! IT WAS SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! [crumbles up newspaper and triumphantly throws it on the floor]

**Heffer:** . . . okay, big deal. Look, would you take the knife out? Just take the knife out.

**Rocko:** You admit you're wrong and I'll take the knife out.

**Heffer:** Oh c'mon, grow up! Take the knife out.

**Rocko:** No, no, no. You never admit you're wrong. When you admit you're wrong, I'll grow up.

**Heffer:** You're being very immature. Would you please just take the knife out?

**Rocko:** Why don't you admit you're wrong? You never admit you're wrong.

**Heffer:** You're making a fool of yourself in front of everyone, alright? Would you please take the knife out? Take the darn knife out! [Rocko finally complies. Heffer clutches his wounded hand] Ow! Oh geez. Listen, um, would you mind just calling me a- uh . . . oh, what are they called? A uh . . .

**Rocko:** An ambulance?

**Heffer:** No. No, I want a uh . . . a um . . .

**Rocko:** Do you want two beavers in a van to come take care of your hand and bring you to a hospital?

**Heffer:** Yes. Exactly, yes.

**Rocko:** Then you want an ambulance.

**Heffer:** No I don't! I want a . . . uh . . .

**Rocko:** It's an ambulance.

**Heffer:** No it isn't!

**Rocko:** You want an ambulance.

**Heffer:** Sh!

**Rocko:** It's an ambulance.

**Heffer:** Sh!

**Rocko:** You want an ambulance,

**Heffer:** Sh!

**Rocko:** It's an ambulance.

**Heffer:** Sh!

**Rocko:** You want an ambulance.

**Heffer:** It's a . . . uh . . .

**Rocko:** No, you know what you want? [picks up his plastic knife and drives it repeatedly into Heffer's chest] You want a mortician! You want a mortician! You want a mortician! YOU WANT A MORTICIAN! [slumps Heffer's dead body over the table] This one is on me. Check please!

**Hmmm…probably should be rated M. Oh well…don't forget to review!**


	4. Headcrusher vs Facepincher

**Headcrusher vs. Facepincher**

By highway67

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Kids in the Hall, Rocko's Modern Life, or their characters. I own nothing.

(Scene starts with Filburt outside watching people walk down the street.)

**Filburt:** Ah. What's this? A priest! Ahh… Deity or deities! Forgive this abuse of your earthbound ambassador, but my calling is very specific. I'm crushing your head! I'm crushing your head, I'm crushing your head. Oh…ah…Hey, happy couples, how- wait a minute, that head, it's already been crushed!

**Heffer:** I'm pinching your face! I'm pinching your face! Okay citizens! C'mon! I'm going to pinch your faces! Periscope down! I'm pinch-

(Filburt sees Heffer on a lawn chair a few feet away. Filburt approaches him.)

**Filburt:** Excuse me. What the heck do you think you're doing?

**Heffer:** I'm pinching faces!

**Filburt:** Pinching faces?

**Heffer:** Yes, it's a wonderful thing in which, yes, yes, I invented! Thank you, thank you. What you do, is you put your thumb here, your finger there, you get the person in the middle, you get your target in the middle-

**Filburt:** I know what you're doing! You amateur! You're doing it on my turf! Would you please leave?

**Heffer:** Your turf!

(Heffer gets up and grabs Filburt. They both have a struggle, spinning around.)

**Filburt:** Let go! Yes, my turf, now beat it!

**Heffer:** I'm not going nowhere!

**Filburt:** Haha! Moron! Moron! 'Not going nowhere' is a double negative which means you're going somewhere! Ha! So, why don't you get lost, huh! Come on! You wanna go? You wanna? Huh? You wanna?

**Heffer:** Okay! Let's- let's go for it!

(They both let go and step back.)

**Filburt:** I'll crush your head!

**Heffer:** I'm pinching your face!

**Filburt:** (gasp)

(Both try to dart away from each other)

**Heffer:** Hey, I'm over here! I'm pinching your- whooohoo! Missed! Missed! Missed again! Whoa!

(Filburt trips and falls, lying backwards on his shell.)

**Filburt:** Oh! I have fallen!

**Heffer:** I got you now!

**Filburt:** (squeal) Aaaaahaghgghghaaa!

(Filburt rolls over, gets on his feet, and pries open Heffer's fingers from a distance by aligning his hands.)

**Heffer:** Aaah! Please don't, no, please!

(Filburt finishes Heffer off with a head crush.)

**Heffer: **Ahhh!

(Heffer falls, defeatedly.)

**Filburt:** Never mess with a pro, buddy!

(kicks chair)

**Filburt: **Outta here!

**Don't forget to read and review!**


	5. It's a Fact, 'kay!

**It's A Fact, 'kay?**

by highway67**  
**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kids in the Hall, Rocko's Modern Life, or their characters. I own nothing.

[Setting: A Tree-Filled Field in the Woods.]

[In the back of the shot, we see the Dr. Paula Hutchison.]

**Paula:** Hey, you know what?

[Paula runs up close to the camera in a matter of seconds along a very jerky path. She gets very close to the camera so that all we can see is her face.]

**Paula:** It's a fact. My parents are now in love after 45 years.

[Then, Paula ducks down very quickly.]

[We see Widow Hutchison and Frank Hutchison. She is giggling like a school girl.]

**Frank Hutchison:** Your legs drive me crazy.

**Widow Hutchison:** (giggling) Stop it!

**Frank Hutchison:** Your _arms_ drive me crazy.

**Widow Hutchison:** (giggling) Stop!

**Frank Hutchison:** Your smile always drove me crazy.

[The woman continues to giggle and swings her purse at Mr. Hutchison playfully. But the weight of her purse, combined with Mr. Hutchison's inability to stop his wheelchair, causes him to roll away by the playful blow.]

[Then Paula jumps back up into her close up.]

**Paula:** (smiling) 45 years. Of course the pills help. Hmm-hmm-hmm. It's a fact. (tilts her head) 'Kay!

[Then, Paula runs back into the woods, in sped up motion.]

**Finally, I get Paula into a sketch. Maybe, next will be the Bigheads. Keep reading to find out and please, read and review!**


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